From performing on the biggest hardstyle stages in the world to sitting alone in his apartment in Tilburg. At the premiere of his 25 Years documentary on Tuesday night, Brennan Heart revealed a side of his career that had largely remained behind the scenes for years. At the Royal Theater Tuschinski in Amsterdam, Fabian Bohn looked back on 25 years of Brennan Heart together with colleagues, friends, family and fans: from the birth of hardstyle and worldwide success to the moments when life as an artist slowly seemed to take over.
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For a special occasion, the hardstyle scene gathered in an equally special setting on Tuesday night. According to the organization, hardstyle was played inside the iconic Tuschinski in Amsterdam for the very first time, as the documentary celebrating 25 years of Brennan Heart premiered on the big screen.
From Brennan & Heart to the biggest stages
The documentary begins with Fabian’s first steps in music. Together with Pieter Heijnen, now known as DJ Thera, he formed Brennan & Heart, with the duo experimenting with a sound that barely even had a name at the time. From those early days, Brennan Heart grew into one of hardstyle’s biggest icons. Hits such as ‘Lose My Mind’, ‘Imaginary’ and ‘Fight For Something’ followed, alongside performances at Qlimax and Defqon.1 and eventually his own X-Qlusive at the former Heineken Music Hall (now AFAS Live).
Those 25 years are not told solely from Fabian’s perspective. In conversations with Rob Kamphues, he reflects on his life and career, while Armin van Buuren, Wildstylez, D-Block & S-te-Fan, DJ Thera, Timmy Trumpet and Jonathan Mendelsohn, among others, share their side of the story. People who played an important role during his early years, including Ilja Reiman, also feature in the documentary.
But behind those highlights lies an important part of the story. “The highs were very high, and the lows were very deep. But there was never any room for Fabian as a private person.” While thousands of people watched Brennan Heart celebrate some of his greatest successes, Fabian would sometimes return to his apartment in Tilburg alone. A “lonely existence,” as he describes it himself.
“I couldn’t go on stage without drinking”
The countless flights and relentless schedules also affected his family life. He was away so often that, at one point, his children barely reacted when asked whether their father would be home that evening. At the same time, he struggled with insecurity and imposter syndrome. “I underestimated it. I was just a studio nerd who happened to be on stage a little.”
Alcohol became a way to deal with the tension before performances. From the outside, the audience saw a DJ having a drink on stage, but the reality was different: “I couldn’t go on stage without drinking.” At its worst, Fabian says this amounted to a bottle of vodka and three bottles of champagne before a performance.
More room for Fabian
In October 2020, Fabian stopped drinking alcohol completely. In the years that followed, he became increasingly conscious of how he lived and also began taking his physical health seriously. After reaching 105 kilograms, he eventually lost thirty kilos.
That physical transformation symbolizes a much bigger change. Where Brennan Heart had taken up more and more space over the years, Fabian is now trying to reclaim some of it: more time for his family, more rest and a healthier balance between the artist and the person behind him.
From 105 kilos to the cover of Men’s Health
After the documentary, another surprise awaited those in attendance. Over the past period, Fabian had been working towards a personal bucket-list goal: appearing on the cover of Men’s Health. During the premiere, the audience and those closest to him got to see the images from the cover shoot.
“Mentally and physically, I’m in the best place I’ve ever been,” he wrote when revealing the cover. “I’ve lost 30 kilos along the way, but what matters most to me is how I feel.” The cover therefore serves as a fitting conclusion to the transformation at the heart of the documentary.
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Quality over quantity
That new balance will also shape what the coming years of Brennan Heart will look like. Although his schedule is still packed for the time being, Fabian ultimately wants to go from more than one hundred performances a year during his busiest years to around thirty. Quality, rather than quantity, is set to become the priority.
Things will not be slowing down just yet, however. On 28 November, his 25th anniversary will reach its grand finale with I AM HARDSTYLE: 25 Years Brennan Heart at the Autotron, where he will look back musically on a quarter-century of hardstyle alongside several artists who have been part of his career.
25 Years Brennan Heart [The Documentary] is a film by Auke Brinkman, produced by Fabian Bohn.
Images via: Brennan Heart / MNO Photo
